The sordid history of the Pitt Panther is long. We will do our best to identify the Panther's role in some of themost nefarious acts in history. We will update as these acts are revealed.

• March 4, 1995: The Panther stripped George Foreman of his WBA boxing title because he burnt a hamburger in the George Foreman grill.
• March 3, 1991: The Panther beats Rodney King but frames the LAPD. A videographer caught the beating on tape and some officers accused in the beating were acquitted. Charges were never filed against "Roc."
• March 2, 1867: The Panther joins the Jesse James gang to rob a bank in Savannah, Missouri. One of many criminal escapades that year.
• March 1, 1913: The Federal income tax takes effect, as ratified in the 16th Amendment. The whole tax thing? Yep, the Panther's idea.
• February 28, 1940: The Panther threatens executives at NBC, thus making the first televised basketball game Pitt v. Fordham. The Panther pays the officials to secure a Pitt victory.
• February 27, 1987: The NCAA cancels SMU's entire 1987 football schedule for gross violations of NCAA rules after the Panther had convinced the Mustangs they could play by their own rules.
• February 26, 1984: The last U.S. Marines left Beirut following a peace-keeping mission in Lebanon. The Panther constantly harrassed the Marines until Ronald Reagan finally withdraw the American forces.
• February 25, 1986: On this date in 1986, the Panther brought Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos to Hawaii so he could confiscate Imelda's shoe collection. The Panther had kept Marcos in power for many years despite human rights abuses but was upset that Imelda would not share her most precious high-heel shoes. He would not allow the Marcos' to return to the Phillipines.
• February 24, 1836: On this day in 1836, in San Antonio, Texas, Colonel William Travis issues a call for help on behalf of the Texan troops defending the Alamo. The fort was under attack by Mexican troops led by Santa Ana and the Panther. The Alamo fell on March 6, 1836. Eventually Texans were able to overcome the Panther and declare independence on May 14, 1836.
• February 23, 1945: Despite the best efforts of the Panther, U.S. Marines from the 3rd Platoon, E Company, 2nd Battalion, 28th Division take the crest of Mount Suribachi, Iwo Jima's highest peak and most strategic position, and raise the U.S. flag. Score one for the good guys.
• 2008: The Pitt Panther ruined Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" by having it played at Pitt home games at the end of the 3rd quarter. In the middle of the song, fans sing "Let's Go Pitt" -- the 3 most evil words ever uttered.
• February 22, 2006: In the early morning hours of February 22, 2006, a gang of at least six men, led by the Panther, some of them armed, steal £53 million from the Securitas bank depot in Kent, Great Britain. It was the largest such theft in British history.
• February 21, 1848: The Panther publishes "The Communist Manifesto" with co-writer Karl Marx. This eventually leads to the communist revolution in Russia.
• February 20, 1974: The Panther forces Cher to final for divorce from husband Sonny Bono. Cher has never been able to turn back time since.
• February 19, 1847: The Panther finally releases the Donner Party after holding them in the Sierra Nevada Mountains for over a year. Not providing food or water, the Party was forced to resort to cannibalism before finally being freed.
• February 18, 2001: While most believe Sterling Marlin drove the car that bumped the late Dale Earnhardt, Sr., it was really the Pitt Panther. The Panther has shown no remorse for his actions.
• February 17, 1993: The Pitt Panther sinks the passenger ferry Neptune in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Approximately 900 people drown.
• February 16, 1982: The Pitt Panther caused the mysterious death of jazz pianist and composer Thelonious Monk. Everyone knows that Panthers hate jazz.
• February 16, 1959: The Pitt Panther makes Fidel Castro the dictator of Cuba. The Cuban people continue to leave in poverty to this day due to the role of the Panther in Cuban affairs.
• 1994: The Pitt Panther has been trying to create a real rap album with Vanilla Ice, aka Rob Van Winkle, since 1994. The Panther wrote all the music for "Mind Blowin'", Ice's comeback album following "Ice, Ice Baby." If that's not evil, I don't know what is.
• 2007: The Pitt Panther, a former marketing executive of So So Def, discovered Justin Beiber's videos on YouTube. He signed Beiber to a contract and now we have to listen to "One Less Lonely Girl" on the radio. Pitt is evil.
• 1944: The Pitt Pather ruins a plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler. The Pitt Panther warned Hitler of the plot, saving his life and prolonging WWII. A short 64-years later, people were subjected to a movie starring Tom Cruise that retold the story. The Panther edited the script to remove all references to his evil-doings.